restoration

youth group left a bad taste in my mouth last night. it was different than in previous weeks, but in retrospect, none to remarkable. i suppose that this was bound to happen. after all, it's just not reasonable to expect fun, lively, meaningful youth group sessions everytime out. hope for, yes. expect, no. and i know, things aren't always what they seem. maybe some seeds fell on fertile soil, distractions and all.

it makes sense to me now, though, that we meet in small groups for the other three or four weeks each month. large group is always potential disaster, volatile parts coming together, everyone waiting for the explosion. last night it was was less giant volcanic eruption and more that nick on the roof of your mouth that you can manage, but not forget. the boys just couldn't sit still. or keep their mouths closed. or turn off their cd players. or listen to pastor danny. even chris got distracted. damn, even chris.

but of course, the chaos and distraction was just the thing that led to the thing. things fell apart at the unholy matrimony of inconsiderate boys and a girl's family tragedy. amber's brother was shot and killed over the weekend, the family left to mourn. no wonder she didn't come sit with the rest of the folks. no wonder she hung around the back of the room, aloof and reserved. no wonder she had a fleece throw wrapped around her like a winter jacket. no wonder she refused the cookies and chips. no wonder...

who knows what happened. maybe he was part of a gang and he got what he was asking for. maybe it was wrong place, wrong time, him minding his own business, only to catch a few rounds in the chest. maybe he took a gun and shot himself. who knows. who, what, where, when, why, how? doesn't even matter. leave that to the cops. this girl's brother is dead and she's bawling. that's all that matters.

so we prayed for her, surrounded her with the only love and truth that we could give. we prayed for her, the family, and our broken city. her tears kept coming, but she was strong. in that moment, God's glory rested at loren miller. a youthgroup family from the inner-city, black and latino, girls and boys, together to mourn with one in pain.

then the matrimony. the boys just couldn't hold it together. audible chuckles and quiet whispers stung like flaming arrows. the peace was stained, the moment vanished.

i felt angry and disheartened. not at the boys, but at the world they live in, at amber's pain, maybe even God. it makes sense for the kids to respond like this. how many times do they here about friends getting shot or family getting killed? enough to make it less than surprising. david's friend was shot and killed a couple years back. tito's brother shot also. of course they responded the way they did, without a thought, indifferent laughter rather than somber grief. pretending like it's not real is the only way to make it through.

Lord, will you be angry at us forever? will you prolong your anger to all generations? will you not revive us again so that we may rejoice in your name? forgive your people, restore your land, grant us your salvation.

"Let me hear what God the Lord will speak,

for he will speak peace to his people, to his faithful, to those who turn to him in their hearts.

Surely His salvation is at hand for those who fear him,

that his glory may dwell in our land.

Steadfast love and faithfulness will meet,

righteousness and peace will kiss each other.

Faithfulness will spring up from the ground,

righteouness will look down from the sky.

The Lord will give what is good, and our land will yield its increase.

Righteousness will go before him, and will make a path for his steps."

-psalm 85:8-12